where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The air was thick with penises
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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