i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
