who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
