My boss' voice literally gives me gas
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
