She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
