I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize