you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
