she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
