You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
