Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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