I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
