perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
