May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
