when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
