yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
