there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Enjoy the penises
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
