i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
