Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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