My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
