this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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