and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
