I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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