your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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