I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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