My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
