you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
