If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
