I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
