You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
