what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Randomize
