By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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