Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
