I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
