Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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