she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
