So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
