holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
