Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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