There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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