I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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