That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
