after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
