my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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