new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
