rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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