I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Still dying that you shit outside
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
