Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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