I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
