Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
