I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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