marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
