the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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