my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
