officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
