I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
