God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize