This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
