hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i think i have two assholes
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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