I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
