She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Randomize
