i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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