peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
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