Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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