he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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