you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
