so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
