a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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