Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
