Welp...herpes.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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