Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize