we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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